Then & Now
Many brothers have walked this road less traveled. Here are some of their stories.
Then & Now: Ali
England. Married. Muslim (Shia). Born 1989.
Same-sex attraction consumed my life. I felt so detached from my own gender and wanted closeness, recognition and affirmation from an older male. I wanted to fit in. I took comfort in porn as an illusory cure for male connection. SSA and pornography heavily conflicted with my beliefs, and for a long time I felt as if I was inherently evil and damned to hell. I had an extremely negative view of myself, especially my physical appearance.
My Decision Point
I hid my SSA for 11 years, until at the age of 23 I suffered moderate clinical depression and had to disclose my secret to a university counsellor. The motivation for me to address my SSA came from me and no one else. I felt that SSA was a developmental block in me, as I never understood men or my own gender. The greatest motivation for me was knowing that everyone is given tests, and this colossal test was mine. Since God never burdens a soul beyond its capacity (Quran 23:62), I knew I had the strength within me, too. I am actually grateful for SSA because without it I wouldn’t understand myself or God like I do today.
My Road Less Traveled
Reading Nicolosi’s Reparative Therapy for the Male Homosexuality brought tears to my eyes: It was as if it was divine revelation. These were tears of joy — someone finally understood me!
The best advice I can give is what one therapist gave me: Coming out of SSA is a lifestyle change. It’s a journey, not a destination. It’s a lifetime of work. My initial goal was to “overcome” my SSA, but the work led me to discover that my goal was actually to find myself. And when I found myself, I found a truer relationship with God.
Journey Into Manhood, in particular, was a life-changing experience. It was coincidentally exactly 6 years to the date of my JiM weekend in England that I married a woman who accepts me just as I am. This was the work of God.
The weekly Journey Together online coaching group and one-to-one coaching with Rich Wyler also helped me find a way out of SSA.
Where I Am Now
I could never have imagined the extent of the change I saw in a short time period. In only a year of self-discovery, my same-sex attractions reduced drastically. This was largely because I now understood what those attractions meant for me and why I had them.
As it stands today, I have disclosed my secret to the world! I recently founded Strong Support, a resource for Muslims with same-sex lust, after catching a vision of my life purpose while attending Journey Beyond.
And I got married in the same year! My wife knew about my SSA before marriage and is a great support in this work. I have come to peace with my same-sex lust, and I no longer have the urge to act upon it.
The love to be with God in the hereafter triumphs the short-term lustful pleasure. I now help people like me in this journey.
Brothers Road is the only organisation I know of that helps people with unwanted same-sex lust from any background, faith or no faith. If it wasn’t for this support, I would be lost.
— Updated 2020