Guest blog by Sholom—
Have you ever noticed how the things that feel distant, mysterious, or just outside your reach can also feel strangely magnetic? That’s the essence of a psychological phenomenon often summed up as: the exotic becomes erotic.
Curiosity Breeds More Curiosity
When something—or someone—feels unfamiliar, foreign, or even forbidden, it can awaken deep emotional and sensory curiosity. It’s not just about physical attraction. It’s about the longing for connection, the hunger for wholeness, and sometimes, the desire to reclaim a part of ourselves that feels missing.
This process can influence any form of attraction, including same-sex attractions. For some men, for example, whether or not one believes same-sex desire is an innate orientation alone, there is a deep longing to connect with something that felt distant growing up—like male affirmation, closeness, or the masculine energy they were cut off from.
When masculinity itself feels exotic—unfamiliar, withheld, or idealized—it can become eroticized. The desire becomes a kind of emotional compass, pointing not only toward what we want, but often toward what we’ve missed.
It’s Good To Ask Questions
This doesn’t diminish the reality of anyone’s sexuality, but it does invite a deeper, more compassionate exploration. What is it I’m really drawn to? What feels missing in me? What part of myself—or my past—am I trying to touch through this attraction?
Understanding how the exotic becomes erotic doesn’t give us all the answers. But it opens the door to asking better questions—and perhaps discovering that what we seek outside ourselves is often a reflection of something tender, vital, and unfinished within.