Brothers Road: Language

We are an international, interfaith, peer-support fellowship.

What Journey Into Manhood Is

Journey Into Manhood is our peer-led, experiential weekend of self-discovery, brotherhood, personal-growth and inner-healing work.

It is designed especially for men to address incongruous same-sex attractions or distress over SSA — in other words, feelings or attractions that are out of alignment with a man’s faith, values, morals, self-identity or life goals.

But Journey Into Manhood is also appropriate for any man, regardless of his sexuality, who wants to address unresolved issues around men and masculinity in a safe, supportive yet challenging group environment.

Journey Into Manhood gave me new friends, a new community, and new life. It was a total reset in my life, and a fresh start. I’m forever grateful for my JiM weekend experience.

Victor, age 29, Florida, USA

Journey Into Manhood gave me a much stronger sense of self. It taught me how to be aware of my emotions, what I’m feeling and why. It helped diminish my shame in having SSA, as well as diminish the shame and guilt when I pursue getting my same-sex needs met in platonic ways

Isaac, age 31, New York, USA

Journey Into Manhood has shown me that I am not alone in my struggles. That there is hope, but also hard work that I need to do. Through JiM, I met a lot of other men who are on the same journey as I am, and we support each other in this journey.

Voytek, age 35, Poland

It has been an immensely positive experience for me. I did not feel as if I belonged to the world of men until after my JiM weekend. Since then I have been able to grow with and meet some of the most incredible men I have ever met in my life. I have gained self-confidence, self-awareness, sobriety, have matured, and grown in love, truth and strength.

Stephen, age 34, Tennessee, USA

Exploring Through Experience, Not Lecture

By “experiential,” we mean exploring through experience, not lecture or discussion or “therapy.” Experiential processes are participatory, not passive. These can include experiences like:

Journaling
Visualizations or “guided imagery”
Meditation
Shame release
Profound, introspective questions
Affirmations
Inner-child affirmation and healing work
Emotional processing and release (especially around anger or grief)
Psychodrama (role playing internal conflicts)

One simple example: You won’t just talk about what it is like to look another man in the eyes. You’ll stand eye to eye with another man while we help you process whatever beliefs and feelings might arise.

Exploring Underlying Issues

In the course of the weekend, we don’t actually address same-sex attraction directly all that much. Primarily, we are exploring common underlying issues frequently shared by so many of us who have experienced unwanted same-sex attractions. Issues like:

Shame
Low self-esteem
Feelings of rejection, or a history of rejection by peers, family or others
A longing to belong, to be wanted or included
A history of being bullied or abused
“Father hunger”
Passivity
Defensive detachment
Not feeling like “one of the guys”
Not feeling “man enough”
Buried or unresolved anger, fear or grief
Feeling wounded by men or masculinity
Feeling wounded or smothered by women or overly identified with or immersed in the feminine

Every man is unique. Not all of us have dealt with all of these issues personally in our lives, of course. Nevertheless, these are extraordinarily common issues among men in our community who have experienced significant distress or dissonance over our same-sex attractions.

Group and Individual “Work”

We do this work in large-group sessions or small break-out groups. We allow ample time for men to do their own individual work in various small-group settings.

We consciously create a safe, supportive yet challenging environment to explore issues, challenge internal “stories” or touch emotions that you may have previously been avoiding. At Journey Into Manhood, we face our “stuff” head-on, with courage and rigorous honesty — to the extent that we are ready and willing — rather than hide it or run from it.

Nevertheless, we always honor every man’s free choice. Anyone can “pass” and choose to not participate in any particular process. If you do “pass,” our staff-volunteers will likely ask what is behind that choice for you, but they will never force or pressure you to do anything against your will or anything that may not feel quite right to you.

About the People

About the Volunteer Staff

Journey Into Manhood is led and facilitated by men who have been where you are now — peers who have done (and continue to do) their own inner-healing and personal-growth work. About 15 to 20 men volunteer their time to staff each weekend because they care deeply about supporting men’s inner healing and personal growth. Senior staff members are men who have gained substantial real-world experience in facilitating and coaching men’s self-discovery work.
Learn more about who staffs.

Who Attends?

Attendees are anywhere from 21 years old to over 70. Most are in their 20s to 40s, though. The average age is about 35. Most are religious, but not all. Most are Christian, but Jews and Muslims and others also frequently attend. Most have never been “out” as gays, but some have. About a third, typically, are already married to women.

Key Teachings

What We Teach and Believe

You are good and valuable just as you are, right now, today, unchanged — and even if you never change.
You have brothers who see your “shadows” (weaknesses, blind spots) and love and accept you just as you are.
Shame never brings about meaningful change, healing or growth. Bringing our shame into the light by being authentic and vulnerable with a few trusted others can significantly reduce shame and bring about healing and self-acceptance.
Your beliefs create your internal reality. Change your beliefs (about yourself and others) and you change the world as you know it.

Same-sex attractions are not simply chosen and cannot simply be “unchosen” as an act of conscious will.
Same-sex attractions most likely develop, for most people, as a result of both “nature” and “nurture” — a complex interaction of biology, innate personality, life experience, emotions and behaviors over years, especially the early years. Brothers on a Road Less Traveled and our Journey Into Manhood program primarily address whatever portion of one’s sexuality may be a result of environmental influences (“nurture”).
Behaviors, choices and individual identity are particularly malleable and subject to change. Feelings and attractions usually take much more effort to channel, diminish or redirect, but these, too, can be fluid in many cases.
Many of us have experienced significant and lasting change, healing and growth in our lives by doing what we call “M.A.N.S. Work” and living these principles in our daily lives. “M.A.N.S.” is an acronym that refers to:

Masculine Connection. Building our internal sense of masculinity, self-esteem, assertiveness and personal power (feeling “man enough”). Creating deep, authentic, brotherly friendships (claiming your place as a man among men).
Rigorous Authenticity. Being “real,” uncovering and feeling our authentic feelings, and healing emotional pain from the past.
Genuine Need Fulfillment. Discovering and meeting underlying, core needs (like affirmation, acceptance, community, belonging, brotherhood, love, spirituality and life purpose).
Courageous Surrender. Letting go of harmful beliefs, self-destructive behaviors, resentments and past hurts. Yielding our hearts to God or a Higher Power.

In doing “M.A.N.S. Work,” particularly essential to our growth have been:

Building self-esteem and self-confidence.
Growing in sexual integrity, sexual sobriety, fidelity or chastity — however you may define it for yourself.
Growing in spirituality.

At Journey Into Manhood, we focus especially on self-understanding, emotional healing, and uncovering and meeting some of the core needs that often underlie incongruent same-sex attractions or other unresolved issues around men and masculinity.

What Journey Into Manhood Is NOT

Journey Into Manhood is not “conversion therapy” or “reparative therapy.” In fact, it is not therapy at all. There is no “diagnosis,” no “treatment” and no counseling. There is no assumption that there is anything wrong with you. Journey Into Manhood is a peer-led, experiential workshop or retreat for emotionally and mentally healthy men to explore unresolved issues in their lives.
It is not a “cure.” “Cure” is a deliberately offensive and mocking word used by opponents, never by us. Same-sex attraction is not a disease, illness, disorder or sickness that needs a so-called “cure.”
It is not for minors. The minimum age to attend is 21 years old.
It is not coercive. No one who feels pressured to attend against his will is eligible to attend. No set of beliefs or expectations are pushed on any attendees. We honor every individual’s free choice.
Journey Into Manhood is not a prayer- or worship-based retreat, nor is it a so-called “pray away the gay” program. We are, however, faith-affirming — within a broad spiritual framework that is welcoming of Christians of all denominations, Jews (orthodox, conservative, reform and non-observant), Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and others. We are also respectful and welcoming of people who are agnostic or of no particular faith. We do not advocate a specific faith, nor do we intentionally challenge anyone’s existing religious beliefs. But we do teach the principle of “surrender” to God and his divine will, and many men find our program spiritually rejuvenating.
We do not engage in any form of gay-bashing, nor tolerate it.
Journey Into Manhood is not a place to meet potential sex partners or boyfriends.
It is not a place for shaming or ridicule. Quite the contrary: We affirm your inherent value as a man, just as you are.